


answer

by numbika



Category: Hellsing
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, M/M, One Shot, Prompt Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:01:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29698851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/numbika/pseuds/numbika
Summary: Seras' having a hard time to describe things to her boss, while her master being busy with a maniac priest.
Relationships: Alucard/Alexander Anderson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	answer

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a prompt: https://write-it-motherfuckers.tumblr.com/post/637162813523132416/one-liner-prompt-list-11-1-are-you-ok-you

A phone rang and Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing quickly patted down her clothes, then took out her personal cell phone from one of the pocket. After seeing the caller's id, she quickly lit up a cigarette.

Her servants should have called her at least 10 minutes ago, but since then she has been unable to reach them.

"What is it, Seras? Are you two done?" She spoke into the device without any greeting.

"Anderson is here!"

Integra almost bit off the end of the cigarette. She could feel fatigue and nervousness fall on her shoulders. Her night just became significantly longer and more complicated.

"What do you mean he is there?! And Alucard?"

There was a moment of silence.

"He's fighting with Anderson...I think."

"You _think_?!"

"Uh..." Seras glanced at the phone in her hand. She could almost feel Hellsing's burning look from the other side of the call.

She expected a lot of things when she became vampire, but a lunatic priest with super-speeded regeneration was not mentioned in any kind job description. Not at _once_.

Plus, they were only tasked with killing a vampire, who were pretending to be a teacher. Alucard said it was a good test mission to practice her strength. And they were successful. They were about to call Integra and signal to send the cleaners when the priest appeared. Alucard, as usual, got carried away, and Anderson responded in kind.

The damage was increasing minute by minute and it was all going to end up on the tab of Hellsing.

Luckily, Seras managed to escape into a room while the two of them tried to kill each other in the hallway. They did that while laughing very loudly and happily.

The vampire girl pressed the cellphone closer to her ear to hear Integra's voice when suddenly, silenced fell around her.

"One moment," she whispered into the phone, then cautiously approached the room's door and glanced out.

She knew she should report exactly what she saw, but it was hard to put it into words.

Fortunately, Father Anderson, even without his knowledge, helped the vampire girl out with that.

**"What the fuck did you do to all of my clothes?!”**

There was another silence on both sides of the phone.

"Seras, what in god's name happing over there?! You have to tell me right now!!"

"Well..." the vampire girl tried to grasp what she saw. "So…I think the master..."

Once again it was really hard to describe it.

From Father Anderson, the priestly cassock was almost completely torn, thanks to Alucard. He was wearing only one pair of trousers and the gold cross hung around his neck. Traces of a few bullet wounds could be seen on his naked torso but most of them already started to heal. One of the bullets fell out landing on the ground and producing a loud clink. In addition to the new injuries, there were old ones on his body as well. A long scar ran all the way from his left shoulder to his hips.

Seras saw several smaller and larger scars, left by various blades, but she decided not to start counting them now.

Just Alucard's wide grin would have been enough to push the priest into complete rage, but the vampire was sure to push it as far as possible, as always.

"I was just wondering where you're getting all those bayonets from." With that, he threw the torn cassock behind him.

The moonlight shone on the blades and barrels of the two weapons.

Seras jumped into cover again.

"Seras?! SERAS!" Integra lit another cigarette.

"I'm here. I'm here, just…they just got back into the fight again..."

Shots and war cries filled the building. Windows exploded and walls were broken through. The voices moved away, but their enthusiasm didn't seem to wane. By the way things progressed, it seemed that Hellsing would have to renovate the entire school building.

Then there was silence again.

"What the hell is going on there?"

Seras, once more carefully poked her head out into the hallway.

"Just a second."

Integra heard the vampire girl quickly moved towards somewhere.

Meanwhile, the door to Integra's office opened and Walter entered with a cup of tea. The man walked silently to her desk, then placed the steaming cup in front of the woman.

Sir Hellsing thanked him with a nod as she held the cellphone even closer to her ear to see if she could hear any background noise.

Following the debris, Seras found his master and the priest laying against a half knocked down wall. They probably broke down the side of the gym based on its look, but the vampire girl couldn’t really pay attention to their environment because when she finally spotted them, she almost dropped her cell phone.

"They...they...uh" she finally said on the phone.

"Say something! For goodness sake! what's happening?!"

It was really _really_ hard to describe it.

She wasn't sure who ended the fight, but it was obvious that they were definitely in agreement right now.

'They're...'

"Yes?!"

"…kissing."

Integra stared at her cell phone.

"WHAT?!"

However, Seras just turned her back on the scene and hurried away as she tried to get out of her head the picture of her master pushing that same priest against the wall who wanted to kill both of them. Or at least wanted it before.

She didn’t quite know how they were going to get home, but she was sure that both her master and father Anderson had quite a wide smile on their faces. And that they'll be here for a while.


End file.
